Allergic to Love
by Just 2 Dream of You
Summary: AU SE2: Belle brings home a wittle kitty that Mr. Gold is highly allergic to. Great, just great. Now not only does he have to put up with a psychotic hairball tearing up his house, he has to stock up on handkerchiefs. And keep the whole thing from Belle who just happens to love the cat beyond all reason. Talk about karma...
1. Don't ya just LOVE it?

Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT

Warning: This fic contains massive amounts of Rumple torture. Viewer discretion is advised.

**A/N: My first Rumbelle AU! AU in the sense that Belle has her memories (duh) and she's living with Gold at his house. And somehow everyone in Storybrooke is getting along and happy peppy with no problems. I dunno if this is after the series "ends" or whatever. It's AU just enjoy it. This was inspired by another fic I did called _Getting Soft _in another fandom, so I'd like to thank my friends for their support on that cuz it gave me confidence to write this. (You know who ya are) Thanks~**

**(My whole goal in this is to see how long it takes before Gold loses his composure. Let's find out together, shall we?)**

_'personal thoughts'  
abstract thoughts in third person  
"Things or scenes that could be said but aren't really"_

* * *

Allergic to Love

Chapter One: Don't ya just LOVE it?

X -x-x-x-x- X

"I'm serious, Belle." She sighed as Ruby decided to give her "the talk" for the um-teenth time. "I just don't get it. What do you see in him?"

Belle shook her head and finished her third glass of iced tea. "Ruby...it would be too much to explain. Just..." she looked off to the side, her expression one of pure ease, "...there's good in him. I've always known that. I don't know how, I just do. And when he's alone with me," she giggled, "that big tough guy act disappears completely."

Ruby rolled her eyes and smiled, shaking her head. "If you say so."

Granny picked up her empty plate. "If you ask me, he just does that to keep you around. There isn't a true good, kind bone in his body." Belle frowned and Ruby scoffed.

"Granny!"

"What? I'm being honest. _You _got to be. I'll bet dollars to donuts if push came to shove, he'd choose himself over you every time." Belle looked down as Granny walked away, Ruby shaking her head in exasperation.

"There's honest and just plain mean!"

Belle chewed her bottom lip. He wouldn't do that to her...not...again..."_My power means more to me_ _than you_..." She swallowed that memory back and stood up. No more living in the past. It was a new day, new _world _for goodness sake, and she wasn't going to let the opinions of others sway her. She never did before and she wasn't starting now.

She paid the bill and walked outside, Ruby following to apologize and paused as she spotted something sitting in the gutter. She gasped and came to it, seeing a very nappy, skinny black cat. "Oh, my..." She bent over and picked the poor creature up, feeling its fur was damp and her eyes watered at how animals were mistreated in this world.

Ruby stopped mid-sentence, something about senility and over priced lasagnas, and gasped at what she saw in Belle's arms. "Oh, my God. Is that a cat?"

Belle nodded, tears threatening to spill. "Who could be so cruel? He was just left here - in the gutter, Ruby! How horrible..."

Ruby frowned, her own animal instincts kicking in, looking around to see if anyone looked guilty. There wasn't anyone nearby and she shrugged, taking a whiff of the cats' scent. "I don't smell any people on it. I think it's a stray."

Belle looked a little relieved at that, but not much as the feline gave a pathetic mewl. "Oh, it needs a doctor, I think."

Ruby looked it over. "I think it just needs food. It doesn't smell sick, just wet. It did rain this morning a little." Belle gave her a look and she stepped back. "Uh, no. I can't take it. Cats and I don't get along. The wolf thing, ya know?"

Belle nodded. She petted the cat on the nape of its neck and smiled as she knew what had to be done. "I have to go somewhere. I'll see you later, Ruby."

Ruby sighed as she watched Belle cross the street. "Hoo-boy, Gold's gonna love this..."

* * *

Why were watches so bloody complicated? Was there really a need for this many springs in the damn thing? He should just magic it fixed and be done with it, but he had made a promise to Belle he would cut back on the dark stuff. He sighed as he went to place the spring in _just_ the right spot, only to have it practically jump out of the watch and commit suicide off the edge of the counter.

He stood there and looked around a little.

"Pfft," he scoffed and snapped his fingers, purple smoke covering the watch and dissipating. It ticked as if nothing had happened to it at all and he smirked, putting it back in its display spot.

_Well, what Belle didn't know wouldn't hurt her._

The belle jingled and Belle came in, looking a little forlorn. Oh crap, did she just see him do that? He thought the shades were drawn...

She ran up to him and panted, as if she had been running for a while. He went to ask what was wrong, but then noticed what was in her arms. It was a black heap of fur, whining hoarsely and he raised an eyebrow. "Belle, darling..." he started nicely to hide his trepidation, "what is that in your lovely arms?"

She blushed slightly but brushed it off, holding out the...animal? "I found him lying in the gutter. Isn't that awful?"

Oh, he was supposed to agree with her here. "Yes, quite."

She nodded. "I think he's a stray." She then sat the thing on his clean counter and he grimaced. She started petting it, and he watched the fur literally fly off its back and fall all over the counter and the rest float into the air. He kept calm and told himself he'd clean it later. "I think he needs a home..." he heard her finish and he looked into her pleading blue eyes, blanching at what he knew she was asking.

"Uh...Belle, dear..." That was the start of a no and the disappointment in her eyes showed how much she was hoping for a yes. "I'm not sure...I've never owned a cat. I wouldn't know how to care for one."

"Well, neither have I but I think _we_ could...together."

He felt his cheeks go warm and cleared his throat. Anytime she mentioned _we_ and _together_ in the same sentence, he just felt...well, like an idiot teenager mooning over his girlfriend. He should act better, they were _living together, _but it was still such a _blessing_ every day to hear her talk about them as a couple. A _real couple_. "Belle...I'm not sure..."

"There's enough money to take care of him. I really want to help this little guy. He needs someone to_ love him_." He swallowed at her words. Sweet Belle. Always wanting to love every poor, undeserving cretin that she comes across. He sighed as her pleading gaze tore into him. "Please, Rumple?"

_And the ice cracked._ "Oh, alright. If you insist."

She beamed a sunshine filled smile right into his black heart and nodded fervently, picking up the small beast again. "Oh, I knew you'd say yes! Thank you..." She leaned in, as did he, and he relished the tender kiss she gave him, sucking ever so slightly on his bottom lip as she released.

"First things first, sweetheart," he began, circling the counter. "It needs to go to the vet. I want shots..." he grimaced again, "a _bath,_ and a legal ID." He paused. "Oh, and uh...a neuter if it's a boy."

She giggled and pecked him on the cheek. "Okay. You coming with us?"

"I have a few more things to attend to here, but I'll join you shortly." She nodded and pecked him again.

"Thank you, Rumple..." And she walked out, long curls bouncing as she went.

He sighed heavily and went back to the counter, seeing all the fur his True Love's new friend had left behind. He could magic it away, but after seeing Belle again, and how happy she was with him, he couldn't bring himself to do that again. He grabbed a white rag and went to swipe at the counter when he felt it.

Now, it wasn't that unusual, no, but it didn't happen that often to him. He never got sick, for the Dark One's powers took care of that and he had no allergies, so the sensation he was currently feeling gave him pause, but he shrugged it off. Must be something in the air.

He tried to sniff it back, but the infernal itch building in the back of his nose was relenting and he finally sighed, just letting it happen. A few seconds ticked by on the watch he just fixed before his breath hitched and he released it into the crook of his elbow. "_Hit-itxihu!_" He sniffled again and apparently that was a mistake as a huge burn erupted in his sinus cavities. His cane long forgotten and hooked on the edge of the counter, he brought both hands up over his face and exploded into them. "_HEH-ASHHEOU!_" He groaned and stumbled back a little. That was very...well, _powerful_ and made him a little dizzy. He shook his head and cleared it, the burning itch gone as soon as it came. Whatever it was that upset him, it appeared to be gone.

So he grabbed the rag again and swiped at the counter, some of the hair falling on the floor, but that didn't matter just as long as it was_ off the counter. _He turned and threw it in the waste basket, and low and behold, something managed to catch the great Rumplestiltskin off guard.

There was no warning this time. No itch except for a split second before, and then he had no choice but to just let it go uncovered all over the place. "_Heh-inxxshuu!_ Oh..."

Okay, what the hell was going on? He never sneezed three times in one _month_, let alone one _minute! _Something was wrong here. He looked down and tried to gather his thoughts, wondering what he did different today. The white rag in the waste basket seemed to shout at him and he paled. He looked to the counter and then the rag.

_OH._

He picked up the rag with a sigh. There was only one way to find out and know for sure, and he hated having to use himself as a test subject, but he had no choice. He had to know. With a huge look of disgust plastered on his face, he leaned in and took a sniff off the cloth.

Nothing happened. He took another sniff in a different spot. Nothing. He growled in frustration and flipped the rag over, doing the same action several times with no results. But the Dark One doesn't give up easily and his reward was just as the final sniff hit the jackpot, making his head shoot back in surprise. "_Eh_..." The reaction was instantaneous and all the old pawnbroker could do was hold on for the ride of his life.

The rag fell to the ground like a person plummeting to their death.

"_Hih-atchuu! Uh...eh..ASSHOU! INXXCHEOU!_" He panted a few times, breath hitching again as another marching band presided out his nostrils. "Oh, God..._ih_..._eh-ah-CHIUU!_" He tried to hold them back now, pinching his nose, the result being a bunch of wet squeaking noises that sounded like his brain was dying. "_Heh-grrzxt! Hie-zzzgnt!_ Oh, dammit!" He gasped as the orchestra reached its crescendo, the final notes booming. "_Hih...ah...AH-IZZGNSHIUUU!_"

His head was spinning and his leg was screaming for this whole show had happened without the balance of his cane, and he was thankful he hadn't fallen over. He'd never in his life experienced something like that and panted to catch his breath. He shakily reached for his cane and walked away from the area, trying to get any any fresh air he could. His breath kept hitching in false starts and he found it hard to breathe.

Okay, his question had been answered. He was allergic to cats. He had no idea. Back in his home world, he never came across many cats and even if he did, he never got near. Storybrooke had no animals other than Pongo, but after the curse broke, he supposed animals managed to find their way in. This stray cat wandered in and straight into his sweet Belle's arms. _The irony._

He sighed and got his bearings, but just as he felt he might live another tickle singed in the back of his right side. He cursed and tried to hold it back and failed, spewing another at the floor. "_Heh-axxchiiu!_"

"Something wrong, Mr. Gold?"

Apparently he had been too distracted and didn't even hear the bell ring or the door close. And now the absolute worst person was standing behind him, having witnessed a moment of weakness from him. _That was not acceptable._

He straighted his back and composed himself slowly turning to face them. "Regina. And to what do I owe this displeasure?"

She smirked, red lips glistening. "I wanted to ask you for something," she simply said.

"Ah, you must be desperate to come to me..." He turned from her to make his confidant walk he always used to show dominance. He remembered that spot behind the counter and pivoted to keep away, hoping she didn't notice. "And what is it you want?"

"I..." she started and he swore she was trying to make her face look forlorn, "...used to have a perfume when I was younger. I find I'm becoming homesick lately and wanted to make it again. I need a certain flower."

He smirked his lopsided, crooked glean. "I see. A flower, huh? This _certain flower_ wouldn't happen to be an Olfuriom, would it?" She frowned. "The one that causes you to feel immense feelings of love when you smell it?" He chuckled. "Nice try, Regina."

"You have no idea it is _that _flower I want."

"_Please..._" he teased old wounds, "I know you still want Henry and this would be something useful to you."

She sighed, caught. "I just want him to be more...receptive to my affections."

He openly laughed this time and shook his head. "You never cease to amaze me, dearie. _If_ I had the flower, you would have to give me something in return." He came closer to her, eventually getting in her face. "And fortunately, you have nothing I want." He turned from her and walked to the back curtain. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something better to do. You know the way out."

She seethed with clenched fists but controlled herself, pulling down her jacket and sighing. The smirk was back in place as she watched him enter the back room. Yes, she did want the Olfuriom, but as she approached the shop, she peered inside the spaces between the blinds, like she always did before she called on him.

What she saw baffled her.

She saw him _sniffing_ a white cloth several times, then finally dropping it and launching into the biggest sneezing fit she'd ever seen in her life. She didn't even know people could do something like that. What the _hell_ was on that cloth?

She slinked like a snake to the counter and made her way around it, seeing the rag on the floor. She picked it up wearily, not wanting to suffer the same fate as he. Perhaps this was a potion he was doing and it failed miserably. She looked it over and nothing stood out about it. She couldn't see anything special about it and scowled in response to it. Well, whatever was on this cloth she would find out. "We are _not_ done, Rumple." And she was gone in a red smoke-out.

He came out of the back room and looked around, not hearing her leave. He was all ready to insult her some more but now that she was gone, he shrugged. She must've _poofed _away like she always did. He adjusted his black leather gloves and walked out, locking the door and making his way to the car.

He had to get to the vet's office and explain this to Belle. Surely she would understand. There was no way she would let something like this be around him if she knew it affected him like this.

Belle was kind and loving and sweet and wonderful and perfect. _Everything he didn't deserve._ She would understand.

* * *

He hated closed in areas. He hated closed in areas with lots of people. He hated closed in areas with lots of people _staring at him. _He sighed and opened the door to the tiny vet clinic and stepped inside, ignoring the gasps and whispers and one old woman who looked like her bladder might just leak.

He wouldn't have paid them any mind, but as he looked them all over he felt his stomach fall into a pit of ice. Three..._three_ of them had cats.

_Really?_

He stepped to the front counter and tried not to think about it. Tried not to consider how much fur was flying all over the room and _right up his nose._ Okay, no that was ridiculous.

There was no one at the desk and he gazed behind himself noting one cat was being put back in its carrier, another was sitting on its owner's lap as she repeatedly petted the damn thing, and the final was a white fluffy fur ball, obviously a kitten, being held by a child.

He swallowed, his throat feeling thick and hit the bell on the counter multiple times. The receptionist came out, visibly greened when she saw him and trembled as she came to the desk. "Y-Yes?"

"I'm looking for Belle French." She looked confused. "Belle French?" She shook. "Long brown hair, striking blue eyes? Doesn't everyone in this town know who Belle is by now?!"

As if on cue, said beautiful woman came out from the back, giving him an incredulous smirk. "I know that bellow anywhere." He flushed and tried to hide it when the receptionist noticed.

"Ahem, Belle." He came up to her and turned green himself when he caught that she was holding _the animal _again. "Uh..." his eyes trailed down to it and she smiled.

"Oh, yes. She's had her shots and a check-up. All she is is malnourished, so she'll need a special diet. She's had a bath - isn't she pretty? - and guess what? They did this microchip thing so we'll never lose her! Oh, and she's a girl." She giggled at the end and he tried to take it all in. The feline looked much healthier, he had to admit, but he now could see the thing was a black Persian with all the long_ fur _to match. "And oh, I almost forgot!" She pointed to a plastic square with tags hanging off of it. "They let you buy collars and name-tags here. I didn't want to have to wait for a custom one to be made so I just picked one from here and I found the perfect name." She showed off the gold heart-shaped tag hanging off the pink collar to him and he gulped.

"_Izzy?_"

"Isn't that the cutest name? We'll have to wait for her legal tags from the city to come in the mail, but for now this'll do. Just like you said, right?"

Ya know that dream when you're somewhere important and you show up in your underwear? That's kinda how Mr. Gold was feeling right about now. Surely this was some kind of cosmic joke and he knew somewhere there were fairies laughing at him.

He looked to her eager face and felt the walls come closer. This could not be happening. She gave the thing shots. She bathed it. She microchiped it. And worse of all, she named it. Name means attachment. _Oh,_ _nonononononononono_. "You...uh...really like this cat, huh?"

She shook her head giving him hope and then shattered it when she answered. "No, I love her already." She snuggled it and his whole world went red.

She used the L word. Of course she loved it. She loved everything too soon and too hard. It made sense that she would care for this creature first thing off the bat. _That is what she did with him after all. _"Is something wrong?"

And that was when he noticed the congestion. He sniffed it back and shook his head. "No, not at all." What was he supposed to do now? Tell her she couldn't have it? When she _loved _it?

"_Wait, you're allergic to cats? This is horrible. We'll have to break up immediately."_ No, she wouldn't do that._.._

"_What?! You're allergic to cats?! Oh, no! Now I'll have to give her up for the likes of __**you**__! I'm_ _gonna cry for three weeks straight and. MAKE. YOU. __**WATCH**__."_

Okay, no. This wasn't going so well. He sniffled again and was becoming _painfully_ aware of the heavy air the room was holding. He slammed his credit card on the counter and watched with gritted teeth as the bumbling fool behind it stumbled several times trying to scan the thing. "Will you _please hurry_ _up?_" he all but snarled and she looked like she was gonna puke all over the place.

"Uh..." she handed him the receipt and he wanted to blow up the place for charging such outrageous prices, but he did have money to spare after all. He signed it and briskly walked out, a worried Belle behind him.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he covered. "I just hate being around people that are incompetent."

She gave a knowing smile. "They'll all get to know you, Rumple. They will." She smiled bright at him. "Thank you again. I really appreciate this." She leaned in and graced her lips to his and all his anger melted away. She fully kissed him, opening her mouth to welcome him and he realized she was kissing him in _full_ _view of the public_, not a hint of shame or worry of what others thought of it. She loved him and was not afraid to show everyone.

_And some more ice cracked and fell away, piercing his stomach. _

He moaned as her tongue graced his but don't ya know those laughing fairies needed some more entertainment as that infernal _itch_ came back. He realized she was _holding the cat in her arms _as they kissed and that he was practically inhaling the damn thing up his nasal passages. He backed away and tried to hide his discomfort but she didn't notice.

"We need to go to the store. She needs a food bowl and a litter box and a bed and a scratching post and toys, oh I want toys, and blah blah blah, blah blah blah," or that's how it sounded as he fought with his nose wishing he could just disappear to the farthest corner of the earth to sneeze where no one could see him. Not on the street corner with _people passing by! _

He lost the battle, of course, and had no choice to let it go as politely as he could. Back in the crook of his elbow, he released as quietly as possible. "_Het-chuu!_"

"Oh," she giggled. "bless you."

He nodded, breath hitching and going again, more forceful as he rounded the car. "_Hih-izzchuu!_" That one doubled him over and Belle ran to him.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," and now it was really obvious he had a stuffed nose. "Let's just go to the store." There was no way he would survive this.

_Mary Margaret comforts a weeping Belle. "How did it happen?"_

_Belle sobs openly. "His head exploded!"_

He cleared his throat as Belle got in next to him and that's when his brain finally decided to start working today and reminded him that she was less than one foot away from him, still holding the cat. He wanted to roll the windows down but that might appear suspicious being that the temperature outside was a balmy forty two.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked again and he nodded, not trusting his mouth to not open and explode all over her. He started the engine and made it a grand total of six feet down the street before _the tickle_ came knocking on his door.

"_Hello. Remember me? I'm here to make you look like an idiot. Hope you don't mind but I plan to stay for a while and totally ruin your life. Sucks to be you!"_ Maniacal laughter echoed in his head and just when Belle turned on the radio, it playing an annoying pop song, his nose sang right along with it.

"_Baby_,_ I love hit-chuu!_" was kinda how it sounded. Belle turned off the radio and looked at him.

"Rumple, what's going on?"

"_Oh, nothing. I'm about to kill us by running this red light BECAUSE I CAN'T SNEEZE WITH MY EYES OPEN!"_ She screamed as he passed over the line and almost got hit at the intersection. He sped on the gas and made it the rest of the way, and if anyone dared give him a ticket they would learn the ways of a snail.

"Rumple, that's it! _What_ is going on?!"

He sighed and pulled over, hitching a few breaths and opening the car door to breathe. "I...uh..." She was still holding that animal, her _Izzy, cradling_ it to her like a beloved child. "I think...I'm getting a cold." Okay, he lied. So what? It's not like it could get any worse.

Her eyed widened, nothing but sympathy in them. "Oh, no... Honey, why didn't you say anything? This is so like you. Oh, what am I gonna do with you?" She called him _honey_ and his head was reeling from that as she marched to the driver side. "Get out. I'm driving us home." He looked up at her.

Belle. Driving. It _could _get worse.

"No arguments. You can't drive all distracted like this so I will." He went to protest and she gave him the death _no happy time tonight _glare. He nodded and sneezed again as he made his way to the passenger side and she sat in the diver seat. And then...she put the cat in his lap.

"Wha..."

"Sorry, I can't hold her while I'm driving. She'll be alright. She's really friendly."

The cat looked up at him as if to say, _"I'm gonna getchu sucka."_ He panted and fanned his face. "Can we roll the windows down? I think I might be hot." She nodded and he did so, remembering that his house was in the_ opposite direction._ He should be keeping a score card for these fairies.

He looked down at the cat, hoping she wouldn't scratch him or decide to suddenly fall in love with his face. She meowed and bored her eerie green eyes right into his.

And then she shook herself all over him.

~To Be Continued

* * *

**A/N: I tell ya what, if you ain't having fun writing what you write then you shouldn't be doing it at all. I haven't had this much fun in a _long_ time. Just FYI; you can develop allergies at any stage in your life and you can have violent reactions such as this. It isn't that far fetched.**

**-Izzy comes from all the AU Rumbelle stories where people name Belle Isabelle. **

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. Drugs are awesome

Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT

Warning: This fic contains massive amounts of Rumple torture. Viewer discretion is advised.

**A/N: I wasn't going to update so quickly but, oh my goodness gracious! 15 reviews?! Wow that's never happened to me before XD Thank you so much for the wonderful responses! I'm glad you all enjoyed it! Here we go with some more delicious Rumple torture nom nom -3-**

_'personal thoughts'  
abstract thoughts in third person  
"Things or scenes that could be said but aren't really"_

* * *

Allergic to Love

Chapter Two: Drugs are awesome

X -x-x-x-x- X

"I swear, Ruby; I've never seen someone get so sick so fast!"

Ruby murmured on the other end of the phone. 'Did he really sneeze a hundred times?'

Belle chuckled. "Well, no. Maybe under that. But at least every ten seconds. It was horrible to watch. By the time we got home, his eyes were watering and his nose was red...so awful."

Ruby laughed. 'I can imagine.'

"This isn't funny! No one deserves to get sick. And he got worse by the second. I'm really worried..."

'Please, you'd be worried if he got a hangnail. He's a grown three-hundred-year-old-magic-imp man. I think he can take care of himself.'

"Well, now I have to go shopping for my cat without him."

'Ohh, shopping! Count me in!'

Belle laughed at her enthusiasm_._ "Ruby, I'm shopping for cat things, and I'm taking her with me. You can't be around cats, remember?"

'Just as long as I don't have to touch her, I'll be fine. Trust me, you need my help. I'm an animal expert. I'll get you the best stuff.'

Belle smiled. "Okay, thanks Ruby." They hung up and Belle walked back to the living room where she left her spinner. "Rumple?"

He was holding a cold compress over his swollen eyes and took it off looking at her, then appearing distressed as his eyes flickered to something else then back to her. "Yes, sweetheart?"

_'Always so polite,' _she thought. "I'm going shopping with Ruby for Izzy." She cuddled the cat to her chest.

He groaned. "Is..._Izzy_ staying here?"

She shook her head. "No, I'll take her with me that way you can rest. The last thing you need is to care for a pet when you're sick." He looked totally relieved and she smiled. "Now I want you in bed, Rumple." She swore she saw his cheeks turn pink at that. "And I mean it. Rest up. We'll be back soon." She blew him a kiss and went for the door but he stopped her.

"Wait. Whose car are you taking?"

She giggled. "Mine, don't worry." He sighed and relaxed against the couch as she made her way to her dented suburban SUV.

* * *

Oh, finally! _Finally_ that little bitch was gone and he could have just a few hours of peace without her!

Not Belle of course, but that damn cat! How that thing could be held for so long was beyond him. Perhaps it was dying of hunger and too weak to move. Maybe it would die in the night. Or maybe he could _accidentally leave a door open and accidentally blast it into next week_ but he knew he couldn't do that.

He changed his suit for the last one was covered in fur, and he'd discovered another reaction his body had to cats; itching. His skin started tingling and itching when he held the damn thing and by the time they got home he swore he was going to have a conniption. He excused himself and immediately poofed off his clothes and jumped in the shower, leaving a confused but understanding Belle behind. She'd given him an ice-pack and scolded him lightly for not having any orange juice.

Now that the thing was gone, he could breathe like normal. Is was as if nothing was wrong at all. No itch, no tingle, no tickles. Nothing.

It was fascinating but infuriating. How could something so...stupid cause this kind of reaction in him? It made no logical sense. Why was he allergic to cats? And why didn't he know about it until now? It was almost like someone was _purposely torturing him from afar. _

Well, he had a few options to fix this. The first; kill the cat.

No, too much blood. Would get on the rugs. And - oh yeah, Belle wouldn't like it.

The second; cure himself. Now that was a little more tricky than simply choking the cat to death. _All_ _magic comes with a price_ and in order to cure himself he would need to pay a price. The price being he would have to make himself allergic to something else in exchange for curing this. The question was what?

The logical choice would be to pick something abstract like a flower in the amazon he'd never come across ever, but magic is tricky and knows when it's being cheated, therefore it wouldn't work. He would have to chose something in his hometown in exchange.

Perhaps a perfume? That would be easy. He only had to choose one.

"_Rumple, look what I found! This lovely perfume! It smells so wonderful don't you think? I think I'll wear it every day. Come here and TAKE A WHIFF." _

Uh...nature then? Tree pollen? Grass? Flowers?

"_Oh, look! It's such a nice spring day! Can't you just see the yellow clouds of spores blowing in peoples faces? I think we should go out every single day! BREATHE DEEP, HONEY."_

"Nnnmmmm..." Now his head hurt. He couldn't take the chance that whatever he exchanged it for he wouldn't come across again in the future, so he had no other choice but the third option;

Drugs. Lots of drugs.

After a small drive and a few well placed glares at the passing townspeople that dare look at him, he arrived at the drug store.

He walked into the pharmacy and groaned at there being _other living people _in there too. At least three of the pests other than himself and _Mr. Clark. _He used to find it funny, but as he watched Sneezy sneeze yet again into his handkerchief, he felt something he never had in his life.

_Sympathy. _

Ew, no. Must find the pills _now._

He didn't know what to buy so eventually he walked up to the counter and swallowed his pride. "Can I help you, Mr. Gold?" Oh yes, why don't you just _get on the loudspeaker and announce he was here?_

"Give me some antihistamines," he wanted to finish with _"before I set you ablaze with a fireball,"_ but someone was standing behind him.

"There are many different types, " Mr Clark, sniffed. "What kind of allergies are you experiencing?"

He grit his teeth. "Cat fur. I'm allergic to _cat fur_."

Sneezy nodded, looking almost reminiscent. "Ahh, yes. Cats. Those are doozys. But it's not the fur you're allergic to but rather the dander that comes off the fur."

"_I don't give a crap! Just give me the pills before I make you eat my cane!"_ was what he wanted to say but stayed with, "I just want it cured."

"Cure? Oh, there's no cure," he stated plainly.

"_What,_" Gold seethed, his knuckles popping in the grip on the handle.

"There is no cure for allergies. You just have to live with them. Antihistamines can help, but just in lessening the symptoms." Gold looked down, trying not to do a tap dance on this guy's spleen. "But unless you have a cat, you can just stay away from them."

"I _have one_," he growled and the whole place shifted, a wave of magic energy everyone but Mr. Clark could sense pouring off him. The others promptly left, leaving the two alone.

"Oh, okay. Then I recommend...these." He held out a box and Gold took it, a loathing expression on his face.

"How many do I take a day?"

"These are eight hours so two a day."

Gold did the math. "There's only enough for one week in this box."

"Yeah. If you want a bottle you gotta go to a doc and get a 'script. Such a hassle. But these work the same."

Gold sighed heavily. Was it really worth this? The _lingering touch of her kiss on his lips_ sent a tingle down his spine. He took out his credit card. "Give me your whole stock."

* * *

Belle hummed happily through the store as Ruby methodically searched every aisle and put the best of the best in the cart. "After all, it's Gold's money," she'd said and Belle reluctantly agreed. She knew Rumplestiltskin would let her have whatever she needed. It was just a shame he'd come down with such a bad cold at this time. She wished he was here with her. This wasn't just her cat; it would be his too.

She sighed and held Izzy close to her. "You are just the sweetest thing. And so well behaved. You'll be perfect for us."

"Ooohhh-kay," Ruby sighed. "I think we have everything that she'll need."

Belle blinked a few times as she regarded the cart. "Oh my." Inside were a few bowls - backups, Ruby said - a litter box, a kitty bed, a long fur brush, a cat teaser, some other toys that Belle had no idea what they were, stuffed animals?, and beside the cart was a cat tower/scratching post.

"Too bad Gold got sick. He could magic this to the house."

Belle shook her head. "No, Ruby. No magic."

Red laughed. "You tryin' to get him to quit? I hope you don't expect that to happen cold turkey."

Belle rolled her eyes and went looking at all the toys in the cart. "What's that?"

"Catnip. She'll love it. Now we need litter and food."

A young man came over to them. "Can I help you?" he asked, looking back and forth at the beautiful women.

Ruby grinned, like a predator ready to devour. "Why, _yes_. Could you take this to a register for us and hold it?" she asked so sweetly Belle swore the boy was gonna pass out from the attention.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He took the cat tower and grunted as he picked it up.

"Thank _youuuuuu_," the wolf girl sang after him and grinned cheeky to Belle. "Nothing like a good flirt to get you a favor. If we play our cards right we might get him to take this stuff to your car."

Belle rolled her eyes. "Oh, boy."

A bark made both girls look up to see Pongo pulling a weary Archie Hopper with him. "Oh, hi there," he laughed a little. "Down boy. He gets so excited when we come here."

Belle looked to Ruby who was twirling a piece of her hair, a very noticeable smile on her face and what was that? - a blush. _Oh, ho ho, Little Red Riding Hood._ She grinned and stepped up to talk to the doctor. "How have you been?"

He smiled as Pongo finally settled down. "Just fine. Oh, is that a cat?"

She nodded. "This is Izzy. I just...well, adopted her, I guess." He reached out to pet her, but she jerked back and growled. "Oh! She hasn't done that before..."

Ruby snickered. "You've had her for what, one hour? How would you know how she is?"

Archie brushed it off. "Must be the dog smell." They all agreed and he checked his watch. "Oh, I have a patient in twenty minutes. I'll see you later." His gaze lingered on Ruby a bit longer before he left.

"Hmm..." Belle mused as she caught Ruby watching him.

"What?" Belle raised an eyebrow. "No. No way. I know what you're thinking and no." Belle didn't say anything as Red pushed the cart, mumbling something about crickets and dog food.

When they got to the house, Belle convinced Ruby it was okay to come in. She did with a shaky step and after searching the bedroom and finding it empty, Belle groaned in exasperation. "Oh, that stubborn man! I told him to rest in bed." She put Izzy down on the floor and went about setting up all her things.

Ruby snorted. "Well, men never listen. And oh, prepare yourself; they are such babies when they're sick."

"Is that so, miss Lucas?"

She spun around and watched with amazement as Belle ran up to _the most feared man in town _and _scolded_ him like a _child_ for not obeying her. And the Dark One, who had enough power to burn the whole state of Maine, just stood and nodded, mumbling apologies and promising not to do it again.

The lycan was dumbfounded and had to stop herself from laughing hysterically at the scene.

"_Had enough?" she asked darkly as he whimpered, bent over a chair with his britches pulled down to his ankles._

"_Yes, I won't do it again." _

_She put away the whip. "Say it."_

_He gulped. "Master."_

Ruby shook her head. Boy, did she have to stop watching those kind of movies all the time. She noticed that Gold was staring at her and she secretly wondered if he was psychic. "Uhm, I'll just leave you two alone. Have fun setting it all up." She ran out to her own car and peeled out, speeding down the street.

"I always seem to have that effect on people," Gold mused, making Belle giggle. He turned and grinned at her like days of old. "I have no idea _why_."

She shook her head as he came in and shut the door, putting away his coat. "Where were you?"

He sighed. "At the drug store. I needed...well, drugs."

She nodded. "All right, but I want you to rest. Although...you seem fine now...did you use magic, Rumplestiltskin?" Just then Izzy came walking up and meowed at the situation. Gold visibly paled and backed up a little. "Oh, there you are." Belle picked her up. "We saw Archie at the store and she growled at him. I hope it was just the dog smell on him. I'd hate her to turn out mean."

She swore she saw Rumple clench his teeth. "And what if she is? Would you get rid of her then?"

Belle put her back down and with her hands on her hips, answered. "I didn't get rid of you, did I?"

His eyes softened and she loved when he did that. "Right. So...uh...what did you buy?"

She was about to show him when her cell rang. "Oh, it's..." she looked down. "...oh... it's my father..."

Rumplestiltskin nodded. "It's alright. Go and talk to him, dear."

She smiled and kissed him tenderly on the cheek before going into the next room.

And now he was left alone with his new _pet_. "Hmm. Perhaps if I just stay away from you it won't be so bad." The animal sat on the floor, tail swishing back and forth, appearing like it was about to pounce.

He took one step forward and it did. "What!" She attached herself to his pant leg, nails digging into the flesh beneath it as he furiously tried to kick her off. Somehow she knew of his malady and attacked his bad leg, flashes of hot pain running up it. "Damn you!" He raised up his cane, knocked her off and she slid across the hardwood floor, only to hiss at him and run full speed back at him. "What the hell?"

He swiped at her with his cane again and again, trying to keep her away, but this _beast_ was too fast for him as she launched herself into the air and right at his thigh.

Insert unmanly squeak from his lips as her claws dug into the _tender_ flesh near his nether regions. The act also caused him to lose balance and he fell backwards right into the coat hanger toppling it over along with him and the mound of fur attacking him.

And then he started cursing in Gaelic.

She yowled and ran away and he groaned, knees popping and leg screaming in pain as he stood up. He swore he could hear a tea kettle whistling as he seethed, fists clenched and shaking. "What the bloody hell was that?!"

Belle came running out. "What happened?"

He panted. "She...I...she..." he couldn't form the words to tell her. Not only was he flabbergasted, but in the struggle some _dander_ obviously exploded off the creature and all into the air. "I can't _believe this_..." Belle was about to ask what before he desperately gasped and launched into yet another fit just like at the shop.

Belle's eyes widened as she witnessed him come apart again and again. "Rumple!" She rushed to him and held him by the shoulders. "Oh, you _are_ sick! My God, come with me. Come on, it's okay..." she tried to soothe him.

"I..._inxxhiuu!_...cat..._het-schuu!_...she..._heh-gzznk! _Oh, _fuck_ me..."

Belle knew when he swore like that, he was really hurting. "She'll be fine. I'll take care of it all. You just get into bed."

He wanted to tell her, he really did, but what could he say?

"_Belle, the cat you got is possessed by the devil and must be drained of all its blood. I'll skin it and you get the cheese grater."_

Somehow he figured that wouldn't go over very well.

She sat him on the bed and checked his forehead. "You're not running a fever...but I want you to relax. I'll be right back." He tried to protest but all he could do was hitch and gurgle.

"This is not happening..." he moaned. Wait, what if that animal hurt his precious Belle? What if it was attacking her right now? His question was answered as she came walking back in, _holding the damn thing_. "What...Belle...she's..."

She looked down at the cat. "What about her?"

"She's...she growled at Archie today?"

Belle nodded. "We think it was Pongo she didn't like. I mean, look at her; she's so friendly and likes to be held. What cat likes that?"

_'A demon possessed one, that's what,'_ he inwardly mused and shook his head. "I don't know about this. What if she turns on you?"

Belle smiled. "We'll cross that bridge if we need to. Right now I see no evidence of that. Now you rest up. I need you well. I hate to see you sick."

He blushed at her comment and sighed. If this cat was nice to her she would never believe him unless it attacked him with her witnessing it. Somehow...he knew that wouldn't happen. The animal seemed to be a perfect angel whenever Belle was around. _A lot like him, actually. _

She smiled and turned to leave. "I love you, Rumplestiltskin."

He smiled back. "And I lo - _heh-itchuu!_" She giggled at him and walked out, leaving the most powerful force of darkness in the world sitting on his bed, resembling a tomato.

* * *

It didn't take long for him to recover and breathe, but his eyes still felt like sandpaper and a dull ache in the back of his throat left him wondering if he really _was_ sick. He walked into his bathroom and pulled out one of the boxes he had purchased. The others he magicked - _yes, magic dammit -_ to the basement where he knew Belle wouldn't go.

She would never admit it but she knew he still practiced. She knew he still had people coming to him for _help_ and she knew the true use of the pawn shop was just that. However most of his dealings today were not so bad. Most of the things he did for people helped them in some way or another.

"_If I go bald, I'll kill myself."_

"_Can you make it so pizza helps me lose weight?"_

"_I'm old and gray and can barely walk. Make me irresistible to women."_

He groaned and rubbed his face as he looked into the mirror. If the old Dark One knew this is where he would end up, he would have turned _himself _into a snail right in an ogre colony.

He shook his head and sighed heavily, opening the box. The pills were blue and didn't look so special. He read the instructions and saw what they were to be used for.

_Watery or itchy eyes,_

_Congestion,_

_Runny nose,_

and most of all_, **Sneezing.**_

He popped one with a small cup of water and hid the rest in an unmarked bottle in the cabinet. He waited for a while before he decided that he had enough of being trapped in his own bedroom. He snuck out the door and watched as Belle was taking the cat tower out of the box. It was in pieces and needed to be assembled.

He just stood and gazed at this beautiful woman humming to herself happily at the prospect of putting together something worthless and ridiculous in the house of probably the most horrible person she would ever know.

Okay, he wouldn't have snailed himself if he knew about _this. _

She took out the instructions and read them intently, like she would when she was entranced in a novel way back when. The tea kettle in the kitchen whistled and she jumped up, leaving all the mess on the floor.

Rumplestiltskin just couldn't help himself. He didn't care if she got mad. He snapped his finger.

She came back in, cup in hand, only to see the cat tower fully assembled and put in a good spot, as well as all the toys taken out of their blister packs and boxes, not a trace of trash or anything she would have to clean.

She looked up and made a "tsk" with her free hand on her hip. "Oh...what am I gonna do with you?"

He shrugged and stepped out from the doorway, weary of the black curse wandering about. "I would apologize but this was the least I could do since I..._couldn't_ go shopping with you."

She blushed a little and placed her cup on the coffee table. "I guess I can overlook it." She sat down on the floor and looked at all the toys Ruby had picked for Izzy. "I don't even know what all of these do. She really went all out."

Gold nervously walked in and sat on the couch. "Well, you'll figure it out." She looked at him. "Uh, _we_ will." She smiled and joined him on the couch.

"What happened to bed rest?"

He flashed an innocent look. "I can't be cooped up, dear. Besides I took some medicine and feel much better."

Belle raised an eyebrow. Just then Izzy jumped up out of nowhere onto her lap. The way Rumplestiltskin reacted gave her pause. He literally jerked back from her and made an audible nose of panic. She stared at him and he paled, looking around at the floor, trying to direct her attention to some spinning thing that made a mouse twirl in a circle.

_It couldn't be..._

"Rumple, do you wanna hold her?" And there went the color in his face again. He stammered and stuttered, gently _inching_ away from her in his seat. "She's really sweet. Here." She placed her on his lap and he stiffened like a board. "You'll have to get used to her too. I want her bonded to both of us."

"Uh...I can understand that..." he weakly responded and remained stiff.

She watched like a hawk and the whole room went _dead _quiet. "Aren't you going to pet her?"

He swallowed and grabbed Izzy, practically shoving her back into Belle. "I suddenly don't feel well. I think you were right." He quickly ran to the bathroom as much as he was capable and shut the door.

Belle gasped. Was he throwing up? Was this the flu? Oh, what was she thinking... That had to be it.

He wouldn't_ lie_ to her...would he?

He sighed and washed some water on his face. He _hated _tricking her like this, but he had no other choice. Until these pills fully kicked in, he had to stay away from that cat.

That and the thing was freaking Beelzebub.

He sighed and jumped when his beauty knocked on the door. "Rumple?" Her lilting voice made him tremble with how much tenderness was laced in it. "Are you okay?"

He dried off his face and cleared his throat, flushing the toilet, another wave of guilt running through him. He opened the door and tried to look strong. "Yes, I'm fine. Just, uh...overdid it I think."

And now her arms crossed. "I_ told_ you to rest and now I mean it. Get in that bed, Rumplestiltskin." She pointed and like an obedient child, he did so, watching her lay out his silk pajamas and hoped the monster wouldn't come out from under the bed and attack him while he was getting undressed.

* * *

He was laying next to her, watching her breathe; a soft gentle rhythm that should put him to sleep like it did every night. He ran a hand through his hair and sat up with a sigh. He couldn't get to sleep for fear of waking up with a cat on his face, so he got up quietly and made his way to the kitchen.

Now this is something he would never admit to _anyon_e - not even Belle, but when he had trouble sleeping, he'd warm up a glass of milk.

So here he was, three in the morning, pattering around in his slippers and navy blue pajamas doing just that.

If anyone saw this he would suddenly become adept at organ donation.

As he waited for the microwave to beep, he turned and nearly dropped his cane as he saw the mini terror sitting _on his counter_. "You..." he growled and she simply swished her tail. He pointed the cane at her like a sword. "You and me are gonna have some problems."

_Swish...swish...swish._

He sat the cane down and clasped it with both hands. "I can tolerate many things..." he began, the beep on the microwave and the fact that his milk would be cold soon increasing his impatience. "I can tolerate her loving you so much...I can tolerate you making me _sneeze_ every ten seconds whenever I'm around you..." more swishing, "...but I will _not tolerate_ you getting your fur all over my damn kitchen!"

She just stared at him with those luminescent green eyes, swishing that stupid over fluffed tail. "Get. Off. My counter," he ordered as if she could understand him. She did nothing. He flashed a smile, gold teeth gleaming. "Fine then. Have it your way."

He raised an arm and flicked his wrist, the animal immediately being lifted into the air with an invisible force by the nape of her neck. She yowled and kicked her feet, trying as hard as she could to get free but it was useless against _the Dark One's_ _power_, as it was for everyone else.

He chuckled wickedly with a sick grin plastered on his face as he watched this _beast _kick and scream for dear life, flailing in the air all pathetically. "Now you see what happens to those that cross me. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you jump on my counter." He paused. "Or attack me!" He lifted her further into the air, the feline wailing for mercy and him just about to burst into a round of diabolical laughter when...

"RUMPLESTILTSKIN!"

He jolted and lost his concentration, dropping the cat on the floor, who recovered fine on its feet and ran off with a screech. He swallowed and grimaced as he turned around, seeing fury pouring out of her beautiful blue eyes. He grasped at one last resort to not die and flashed his best old days grin. "Yes, dearie?"

"Don't _dearie_ me! What were you just doing with Izzy?!"

He tried to calm her, a hand going up in defense. "I was just getting her off the counter. You don't want fur all over the food do you?"

She shook her head in exasperation. "You could've just picked her up and put her on the floor, not hang her by the neck in mid-air!"

Maybe if he focused his energy, he could get a meteor to crash into him right now.

"I...Belle...sweetheart..." he tried as she turned from him. "I wasn't sure how she would take to me. I didn't know if she would like me picking her up."

Belle sighed and walked into the living room. She came back cradling a still frazzled Izzy and held her out. "Look, Rumple. She likes being held and has no problem with it. She's a wonderful little thing. You _could have_ picked her up."

He sighed as he tried to come up with a better explanation, but nothing would suffice. "Belle...I'm sorry..."

And then the worst thing happened. The anger faded away on her face and was replaced with something else. An emotion he hated more than any other. It filled her eyes and made her chest heave with a long drawn out sigh. "Rumplestiltskin..." and he knew what was coming. "I'm so disappointed..." and she walked off.

He was left standing alone in his cold kitchen as her words reverberated.

Disappointed. Of course she was. _She always was._

He rubbed the scruff on his face and tried to think of a way to fix the situation. He couldn't think of anything and sighed in defeat.

So, what did he have now? A psychotic hairball destroying his life, Belle disappointed in him, and last but not least, his milk had gone cold. What more could go wrong?

He blinked.

"_Heh-itkichuu!_"

Of bloody course.

~TBC


	3. Catnip and antiques

Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT

Warning: This fic contains massive amounts of Rumple torture. Viewer discretion is advised.

**A/N: Well, I just noticed a very bad mistake in chap 2 and if you're as hard a Oncer as me, you might have thought something was off. I know this is AU but there's AU and just plain dumb. So I came up with a way to fix it in this chapter and hopefully it all flows nicely. Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews! I really appreciate it and am glad this is being well received. **

**(Nobody probably noticed the mistake but screw it, I'm OCD)**

_'personal thoughts'  
abstract thoughts in third person  
"Things or scenes that could be said but aren't really"_

* * *

Allergic to Love

Chapter Three: Catnip and antiques

X -x-x-x-x- X

He'd spent the whole rest of the night upstairs in his old bedroom.

In recent months Rumplestiltskin had discovered something interesting about himself; he was getting older. Thanks to Belle telling him to cut back on the magic he no longer had that cushion for his leg, and was beginning to pay dearly for what he had done so long ago.

The arthritis in it was getting worse and it was becoming more difficult to get around the house and go up a flight of stairs all the time. Since he had another bedroom downstairs, complete with a bathroom, he figured it'd be better to move them to it instead. Plus it did have a huge walk in closet for all her beautiful clothes. _He'd give her the whole universe to fit in it if he could._

But after his massive screw up last night, he slinked upstairs like the coward he truly was. He paced the room and ran a hand absently through his hair. He knew she was up because he could smell breakfast. She was making waffles, he knew that, and sausage. Ever since she moved in, she'd taken the job of breakfast without even asking.

_Probably because that's how it used to be.._.

He shook his head and made the way back downstairs, weary of the evil demon lurking in the shadows. He slowly came into the kitchen and sighed as he watched her flip the sausage. She glanced over to him. "Good morning. Do you want scrambled today or easy over?" He blinked. "I want cheesy eggs this morning, I think. You?"

He stammered. "Uh...whatever you want is fine, dear."

She nodded and went about cracking the eggs and scrambling them.

She seemed totally chipper this morning and all anger appeared to be gone. No _disappointment_ either. "I was thinking..." Oh, wait; no, here it goes. "I was thinking we should move back into the upstairs bedroom."

He swallowed. "Why?"

"Well, it's just that I think we could put all of Izzy's things in the downstairs bedroom."

He adjusted his footing around the cane. "All of Izzy's things?"

"Mm hm. Ya know; her tower, her litter box, her food bowl, her bed, all of her little toys. There's plenty of room in there." She paused and he waited. "You know...so she won't be in your way." And there's the punchline.

He liked the idea of that freak of nature being in a single room away from him, but he also knew she was suggesting this as a way to manipulate him. Sure, Belle was sweet and kind and wonderful, but she could twist his heart like no other and she knew just how to do it.

They very thought of having to traipse all the way upstairs for intimacy made his leg cramp already. He could see it now; him not being able to perform because he was writhing in pain and then she_ dumps_ _him for a younger man _no-no, she wouldn't do that. _At least he hoped she wouldn't._

He sighed and came closer to her. "Belle...you don't have to do that. She isn't in my way."

She kept stirring, not looking at him. "Really? She doesn't bother you?"

He shook his head. "Not at all." Thank God he wasn't Pinocchio or else his nose would be out the window and waving to the neighbors by now. "Her stuff is fine right where it is." Yes, because frilly, sparkly cat toys work really well with rare, one of a kind antiques. Although, the toys _were _pink...

He touched her arm. "Look...I was tired when I saw her sitting on the counter, I don't know...I guess it pushed a button I didn't know I had."

She stopped stirring and turned to look at him, a small smirk playing on her lips. "Yes, I do know your temper..."

"Please forgive me, Belle," he said as he put on his best pathetic face, widening his _puppy dog eyes_ - or at least that's what she called them so he figured he'd use that to his advantage. "Please...?"

And her smirk turned into a smile. "Oh, you..." her arms encircled his neck, "I can't stay mad when you do that..."

_'Yes, I know...'_ he inwardly grinned and leaned in to kiss her. Slowly his lips pressed to hers and pecked over and over, each kiss becoming deeper. She pulled away and he sighed heavily. "Please don't move us back upstairs."

She giggled. "Okay." And more kissing, the taste of her suddenly reminding him that he didn't brush his teeth this morning like she did. Wintergreen fit her well as he sucked on her little pink tongue earning a moan. She pulled away again, trying to speak in between his butterfly kisses. "Rumple...the food will burn..."

He smiled. "So?"

"What..." _kiss_, "...if it..."_ kiss,_ "...sets on fire?"

He chuckled. "Then I can easily put it out, now can I? In fact...I think you'll see you have nothing to worry about." She turned from him and faced the stove to see the eggs fully cooked and scrambled, with cheese added which she knew she didn't do.

Now his hand slid around her stomach as his mouth attacked her neck. "Rumple..." her tone was a half protested moan and he saw that as permission to continue.

Methodically he worshiped every inch of her slender neck, licking in spots he knew she was most sensitive. His hands moved up _ever so slightly_ as he whispered in her ear. "I missed you last night..."

She let out a breathy laugh, sending a twinge of pleasure through him. "Well, you're the one who went upstairs."

He was about to turn her and plunge that sweet mouth again, _suck those plump lips_, when a noise interrupted them like a bomb going on.

"_Reow_."

He turned to see the animal sitting mere four feet from them, swishing that asinine tail of hers. An image of his old Dark One self cutting the tail off and gleefully spinning it into thread entered his mind.

"There you are," Belle cooed and stepped away from him, shattering his hopes of happy fun time this morning. "Come here..." She picked the cat up and held it close, making him inwardly cringe at the fact that now her clothes would be _covered in fur _and he couldn't touch her 'til she changed them.

_Although...he could touch her in the shower..._

As he was lost in thought about Belle and shower hose nozzles, he blinked to see her holding the cat out to him. "Um, Belle?"

"You apologized to me. Now apologize to her," she simply stated. He blanched in confusion and she giggled. "Pet her or something. She'll let you."

Great, just great. He sighed and reached out his hand, cringing when he finally touched her fur. It was soft, he'd give her that, but the very thought of whatever that made him sneeze being all over his hand made him want to cut it off.

The cat stiffened but never reacted other than that, those soulless eyes boring right into his. He did the same, the two sharing a staring contest as he patted her head. "Sorry Izzy."

"Good. Now kiss her."

Okay, he must be dreaming because no way would his sweet Belle be asking him to do something so horrific. He looked around and pinched his leg, knowing he wasn't asleep. "Uhm..."

Belle held it out further. "Come on."

He bit the inside of his mouth and leaned in, holding his breath as he barely pecked the damn thing. That seemed satisfactory for Belle as she nodded and put her down.

"See? She's sweet." And she pecked his lips in return, turning back to the food.

His skin was already tingling and he rushed to the sink to wash his hands. He knew that wasn't suspicious, good hygiene after all, and surreptitiously washed his lips the best he could.

He made his way to the table when his brain finally reminded him that the allergy tablets were down here and he hadn't taken one this morning.

**Laughing fairies: Eight hundred thousand. Rumplestiltskin: A big fat zero.**

He sat down at the table, eying the creature as it watched from her seat on the floor. He shook his head and paused when he saw not only had Belle served him some earl gray tea, but a glass of orange juice. "Belle?"

"Oh, yeah; I bought some yesterday when I was shopping for Izzy. Drink up."

His eyes softened. "Belle...you didn't have to do that..."

She shrugged and plated him some eggs. "It was nothing. Besides it'll be good for your cold. How is that doing, by the way?"

He feigned a cough. "Uh, better I think."

She placed a plate of sausage on the table and another with waffles. "Great." She sat down. "Oh, dear. I kissed you and you're sick. Oops."

He unfolded a cloth napkin. "Well, I'm sure you won't get it."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why is that? Did you cast a spell on me, Rumplestiltskin?"

He paled. If he said yes she'd get mad but if no, she'd worry about getting sick. _Dammit_. "No...I didn't...I just...have hope that you won't?"

_The little bell jingled as the door slammed open, a very angry Emma Swan storming in with her charming father following. "Gold, we gotta talk about Regi - What the hell is THAT?!"_

_David 's mouth hung open. "It looks like his nose!"_

Gold shook his head, trying not to laugh at that particular image as he plated some meat. "Well, I won't worry about it," she said and he smiled.

"Sorry, sweetheart."

"It's okay."

He put two waffles on his plate and was just about to pour the syrup when he felt a heavy pressure _jump on his lap_. He looked down to see _Izzy_ just sitting there, staring at him. "What the..."

"Aw, Rumple. See? She forgives you."

And his whole body froze. Her tail was still swishing, thumping on the table leg, back and forth..._back_ _and forth_ like a pendulum to a death march. "Belle, I can't eat with her here..."

She giggled and poured some syrup for herself. "Then put her down, silly."

He scowled and grabbed her quickly, putting her down on the floor, shooing her away with his cane.

That lasted about two seconds as she jumped in his lap again. "Belle..."

She grinned. "She must really like you now."

He almost growled. "Perhaps I should hang her by the neck more often." Belle gave him a look and he swallowed. "Just kidding." He put her down again, and realized that was twice he had touched her. Now he'd have to remember not to rub his face.

Belle dropped her fork and Rumple took the opportunity to swish a wave of magic at Izzy, sliding her all the way to the living room. Thankfully, Belle hadn't noticed as she sat back up.

He sighed heavily and forked some eggs. He took a bite and even though cheesy eggs weren't his favorite, he ate them anyway for her.

And then the eggs were all over the table.

There had been no warning as the itch took him over and caused his mouth to explode all over the place. He immediately grabbed the napkin and covered his face, cheeks going red. "Oh, Rumple!" She wasn't scolding him, quite the opposite as she came over to him. "Hey, it's okay," she giggled.

"This is _not_ funny," he replied, voice muffled by the cloth.

It went silent for a few seconds. "It kinda is..."

He hit her playfully with the napkin. "Why don't _you_ try it sometime!"

"No, thank you! I wouldn't want _you _to wear _my_ eggs!"

"Oh, really?" She went to run away as he grabbed a handful of eggs and threw them at her.

She screeched with laughter. "Stop it!"

"Why, dearest? I think you look quite fetching this way." He threw more at her and she threw some of hers at him. They went back and forth a few times before he grabbed her and they both went tumbling to the floor. "Wonderful breakfast. I particularly_ love _the syrup..." He magicked the bottle in his hand.

Her eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't _dare._.."

He leered over her. "Oh, but I would..."

And just as he was about to continue his efforts from earlier to seduce her by squeezing the syrup to her neck and _sucking it off, _his nose itched and tickled. He tried to hold it back but it came on like a freight train, his eyes going off to the side not looking at anything.

"Rumple? Please don't - "

"_Heh-itkichuu!_"

"...sneeze on me..."

He hadn't of course, it was off to the side but apparently the allergy was starting to kick in fully as he launched into another small fit. He sat up away from her covering his face with every stifled expulsion as she rubbed his back to comfort him.

"Oh...it's okay...you just need to drink that juice."

* * *

The thought occurred to him to remove all of Izzy's fur.

If it was the dander off the fur making him sneeze, then if she was hairless, maybe that would work. The only problem was explaining it to Belle.

"_Rumple what happened to all her fur?!"_

"_I don't know, sweetie. It just fell off for no particular reason."_

Belle wasn't that gullible. So perhaps he could get the beast to stop shedding. Shedding was due to new fur needing room to grow and the removal of old, dying skin. In other words; aging. The only way to get her to not shed was to make her not age.

"_Only the Dark One has life eternal,_" his voice echoed and he was glad he couldn't make her immortal. An image of him at a hundred years old still carting around a cat was unbearable to say the least.

"_Good morning, Mr. Gold."_

"_Heh-ASSHSOU!"_

"_Oh, my God! Are those your dentures?!"_

Perhaps a shower would do him better.

After that he changed into a fresh suit. He took an allergy tablet and exited to see Belle hopping on one foot to put her shoe on. "Oh, Rumple; bad news. A pipe just broke at the library and the whole bathroom leaked out. I have to go right now. And - where are you going dressed like that?"

He looked down. "This is one of my regular suits, dearest."

"Exactly. Where are you going?"

"The...shop?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I don't think so. You're sick and resting today." He went to argue and she stopped him with a well placed finger on his mouth. "NO. And besides, I need someone to watch Izzy." She paused. "There goes the color in your cheeks again. See, you need rest. And I can't take her with me because it's a public place and all that water. You understand, right?"

He sighed. "I understand..."

"Thank you..." she pecked his lips again as she played with his tie. "I think I like you better in pj's..."

He chuckled. "Oh?"

"Yeah, and your hair all mussed with morning scruff. Very cute."

He chuckled again. "I am many things, but _cute_ is not one of them."

She shook her head. "Oh, well." She picked up her handbag. "Thanks again and I'll try to be back soon. I hate leaving you alone like this..."

"Darling, I'll be fine. It's just a tiny cold."

She frowned. "Didn't look tiny to me..."

He swallowed, ice pangs of guilt stabbing his stomach. "It is. I've had much worse. You go and I'll rest." He smiled. "I promise."

She smiled back and kissed his cheek. "Okay."

As soon as Belle was gone, he scoped the area for the enemy. He made it to the living room and saw it sitting on his coffee table. "Ah ha. There you are." She was licking herself and stopped to look up at him. "So here we are. And you without Belle's protection. I wonder what will happen..."

The cat stiffened then raised its back defensively, green eyes challenging him.

"Show me what you got."

She screeched and ran Mach five at him attempting to attack his leg again, but this time he flicked his hand and knocked her back with a wave of energy. She looked stunned but shook it off and went for him again, this game going a few times with no winning results for the feline.

She then switched up her strategy and attacked his things around the room, knocking them off shelves and end tables.

He grit his teeth and yelled, "Oh, now you've done it!"

He raised his hands and picked her up in mid-air again, this time all at once, encompassing her in a bind of magic where she couldn't move. He brought the bound monster to him and chuckled wickedly as her head gyrated in protest. "You will _never _get free, dearie. I can promise you that." He hung her there and smirked at his victory. "What will you do now?"

And he got his answer as she started to wail like an infant screaming in distress, his ears popping from the sound. If she were human, no doubt tears would be running down her face.

He clenched his fists. "Stop that!"

She did not, getting louder in response, the screeches making people passing by on the other side of the street stop and look. It did help his image of torturing those who crossed him, but the sound was unbearable. "I don't have to listen to this. I'll be in the basement." And he went to leave but stopped when he remembered Belle would be coming home soon and she finding her _precious baby_ bound and screaming for dear life might not be good.

_No more shower hose nozzles._

He growled and turned to face the creature again. "Fine!" He snapped his finger and it went silent. She coughed a few times and her eyes went wide as no more sound emanated from her. The crocodile grinned, showing sharp teeth. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

_Rim shot._

The cat just stared and tried to make more noise, silent meows falling from her mouth. He chuckled and sat down on the couch, grabbing the paper. "I think I'll just leave you like this 'til Belle gets home. It'll be our little secret."

He started to read a section about the squirrel population kicking up in Storybrooke and how it was affecting tomato growth, when his eyes looked up of their own accord.

Her head was hanging down, her ears crumpled and low.

He flipped the page. A story about a poor helpless kitten stuck in a drain pipe, the picture showing the little girl with _brown curls_ hugging it after it was rescued. He flipped it again with more vigor.

"_Help poor abused animals - "_

And AGAIN.

"_Feed your pet the very best because that's what they give you,"_ and a picture of a cat nosing its owner on the face.

He flipped a few more pages until he found the sports section.

"_The Wild Cats scored - "_

He was about to set the paper ablaze when he heard something; an exhale of air. He looked up and even though she couldn't make noise, she seemed to be sighing; wailing without a voice.

_She was crying._

This wasn't his problem. He wasn't feeling guilty. Not in anyway whatsoever. The Dark One feels no sympathy. Besides, it wasn't like anyone would find out about this.

"_Rumple, something is terribly wrong with Izzy. She won't play or meow or eat or anything! It's almost like something horrific happened to her in the time I was gone. You wouldn't know of anything like that WOULD YOU."_

"Dammit!" He threw the paper on the table and stood up to face her. "I hate you and everything you stand for." He snapped his finger again and she was free, landing on her feet as only a cat could. He sighed as she meowed, as if to test her own voice, and looked up at him.

For a moment they just stared, both defeated in their own way.

And then she arched her ass and hissed, claws coming out.

"Yeah, right back at you."

She ran away from him and he rolled his eyes. Well, perhaps if she was scared of him, she wouldn't come near him. His eyes fell to the coffee table and the paper_ just happened _to be on the page with the cat nosing the happy owner.

"I hate cats..."

* * *

A few hours went by and he hadn't seen her since the incident. He was beginning to wonder if she ran away and that would be a good thing if he didn't have to explain it to Belle. The best he could come up with was "I was in bed like you told me to. She must've snuck out somehow," but that would be awful to make Belle feel like it was her fault and he simply _could not _do that.

So he searched the house, trying to find the reason for all his woe and misery, soon finding her under the hutch in the dining room. "There you are," he tried to sound gentle. "Come out of there." She hissed. "Come on now..." Another hiss. "I see. Belle won't be happy about this..."

He sighed and went back to the living room, looking over all the toys that Ruby bought _with his money._ He picked up a small grey mouse. It was soft and didn't appear too special. It made a little jingling noise when he shook it. This would do.

He came back to the hutch and shook the little toy in front of her. "Consider this a peace offering, dearie." He left it on the floor and walked to the dining table.

Slowly but surely, she peered out. She sniffed the mouse a few times, more and more of her inching out from under the hutch. Soon she was fully out and rolling the toy, kicking it around a little between her paws.

It jingled in response and she pounced on it, sniffing and licking it, happy sounds escaping her throat.

He stood and wacthed as his demon became a normal pet, purring and mewling at his gift.

And a small tingle entered his stomach..._kinda like the first time Belle hugged him_ - _OH, HELL NO._

He shook his head and began to walk away when she let out a loud yowl and ran top speed into the living room.

"What the -" and a crash finished his sentence. He entered to see one of his most beloved vases shattered on the floor. "I thought we had a deal, you mangy cur!"

The sound of the door closing made him look to see Belle dropping her bag. "And what deal would that be, Rumplestiltskin?" her sweet voice calmed his ardor, but not much as he panted and fumed.

"I...she...she...she broke my vase!"

"What's so important about this vase that you would call her a 'mangy cur'?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.

"_Oh, nothing. Just that it was a one of a kind vase that I can never get again because I killed the guy_ _who made it"_ oh wait, no. He couldn't tell her that. "Nothing..."

She came over and knelt down to it, seeing it was fully destroyed. "Oh...I'm so sorry..."

He sighed heavily as she looked at him, holding a piece in her hands up to him. _"I'm so sorry...I-It's chipped..." _

He shook his head, a small smile appearing. "You wanna magic it back together?" she asked.

"No. It's okay. Let's just throw it away."

"You sure?"

"Well, it's just a vase." And she smiled, the both of them reliving the same moment.

"Right."

After all the pieces were cleaned up, both of them sat curled up on the couch. "What made her act so crazy, I wonder..." Belle mused.

He gulped. Not the fact that he tortured her, no. It must have been...THE MOUSE! Yeah, that was it. "I gave her this..." and he showed the toy to her..

"Oh, yeah. Ruby said it was catnip?"

His eyes widened. "Cat...nip?"

"Yeah, she said cats love it."

He sucked in his lips.

**Fairies: One point two billion**. **Rumple: A morbidly obese zero.**

He sighed. "How many of those did she buy?"

Belle thought about it. "Just the one."

"Let's throw it away then. I think it's bad for her."

"Really? I thought it was good for cats."

He thought of showing her the "this is your brain on drugs" bit with the frying pan. _"This is your cat. This is your cat on catnip. SMASH."_

She nudged him. "That's why she broke the vase?"

He imagined himself standing behind a counter for an infomercial; _"Catnip. Makes your unholy creature truly act like hell spawn."_ He chuckled and shook his head, petting her hair as she lay on his chest. "Yes."

Shs sighed and snuggled into him. "Okay. So...we have the whole day ahead of us, Rumplestiltskin," she teased, tracing circles on his suit jacket. "What would you like to do?"

He grinned. _Finally._

**Rumplestiltskin: _one_.**

"I was thinking I need another shower..."

~TBC

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, the big mistake was Gold lives in a huge mansion but I wrote it like a one-level apartment. That's what comes when you have a Midwestern girl writing the richest man in town. ****Lol thanks so much!**


	4. Dealing with the devil

Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT

Warning: This fic contains massive amounts of Rumple torture. Viewer discretion is advised.

**A/N: This is the final chapter. Hope you all enjoy! Thanks so much for all your lovely comments :)  
-throws Rumpie plushies to all of you-**

_'personal thoughts'  
abstract thoughts in third person  
"Things or scenes that could be said but aren't really"_

* * *

Allergic to Love

Chapter Four: Dealing with the devil

X -x-x-x-x- X

The former Evil Queen (though most would argue it was still current) stood over the boiling pot simmering with magic and waited for it to reach the right time. She _had_ to find out what was on this cloth; what could make the great infallible Rumplestiltskin loose control of his senses.

The magic sparked and turned green as she held the rag above the mini cauldron. She released it and watched as it was absorbed and bubbled even more, turning purple and then red.

Soon after that, a smoke emanated from the pot revealing an image of what was on the cloth. She was looking for anything obvious that had nothing to to with the makeup of the material, and this appeared to be the answer.

"Oh, my..." she gasped as she regarded the apparition before her. "This is very interesting..." and she laughed, victory imminent. "Oh, Mr. Gold...you may not have given me the perfume I wanted but I'll just make one of my own..." She smiled, teeth glistening behind blood red lips. "And I'm sure you'll just _love_ it..."

* * *

Belle awoke to a very familiar sound. She knew it all too well for she had heard it since she was nineteen years old. She sat straight up and ran to it, forgetting that it was coming from inside the bedroom and not down a few halls, and almost crashed right into the owner. She lost her balance and fell on her butt, having to look up at who screamed her name.

He was glaring down at her, fists clenched and eyes flaring with fury; an image she'd seen many times. Particularly when she messed up something in the castle, like that one time she rearranged his potions because she broke one and was trying to hide it.

She blinked up at him and smiled innocently. "Yes, Rumplestiltskin?" she asked sweetly, just like she always did to calm his ardor.

His eyes softened ever so slightly, but it was fleeting as he remained angry. "Look at what she did!"

Her smile widened, still innocent. "Who?"

He deadpanned. "Mrs. Crumplebottom from across the street - who do you think?! Your cat!"

"Oh, so she's just mine?" she teased as she stood up.

"Yes, when she does things like_ this_."

She looked to where he pointed and didn't see anything. "What am I looking at?"

"You're two inches from one right now."

She looked again. "Still don't see it."

He sighed and lifted the rug they were standing on with his cane. "See them now?"

Apparently, Izzy thought it would be fun to take her turds out of the litter box and bury them under the rug.

She tried not to laugh as she stared at each little round ball. "Do you know how hard these are when you step on them in the middle of the night with no shoes on?" She bit the inside of her mouth so hard she tasted copper. "It's like walking on rocks."

"Uhm..." and she looked up, trembling with unreleased laughter.

"Belle..." he started with a warning tone that would make anyone else quiver, "...the animal put its crap underneath my priceless Ming Dynasty rug."

She swallowed the urge back. "Okay, okay. I'll clean it up." She got the litter box and special gloves and he shook his head.

"Here..." He pushed each onto a pile with the tip of his cane while she picked them up one by one.

"Who thought we'd ever be here?" she commented with a chuckle.

"Where? Cleaning poop off the floor?"

"No...normal like everyone else." She saw him stiffen at that remark and looked up to his gaze. _She really did like it best when his eyes looked like that..._

Sleep had come easily for the pair after the rug incident. She woke first and after dressing quietly she came over to his slumbering form. He was snoring away into his pillow and she petted some of his hair off to the side and kissed his cheek, causing him to snort and stir with a moan. "I'm going to Granny's for breakfast. Be right back," she whispered.

"You're just trying to butter me up," he mumbled into the pillow, and she giggled in response at how utterly adorable he was in the morning. Gone was the cool kept Mr. Gold, replaced with just a normal sleepy bear.

"I'll be back soon." And she kissed him again, leaving him to snore away.

The walk to the diner was pleasant, many passersby greeting her. "Good morning, Belle," they'd say and she would smile in return. She was glad the diner opened so early. Those egg muffins were her favorite and she knew Rumple loved his croissants.

She entered with a bright gleam and Ruby caught her instantly. "Hey there! How's the cat?"

Belle nodded as she scooted on a stool. "She's doing just fine. She seems happy." She laughed. "You know what I want, right?"

"Sausage egg and cheese muffin and one_ croissant_," Ruby finished in a French accent. "Coming right up." Ruby made the order and came back to the bar. "So, how's Gold getting along with Izzy?"

Belle shrugged. "I'm not sure. He's been too sick to really bond with her."

Ruby tilted her head. "Still sick?"

"Uh huh. It's really weird though. It comes at the oddest times and I feel like he's hiding something. Last night I found these little blue pills in his cabinet - "

Ruby put a hand up. "Whoa, whoa whoa. Wait. Little blue pills?" Belle nodded. "Were they in a marked bottle?"

"No, it was a blank bottle which is why I thought it so strange...Ruby?"

The wolf girl had her head down and was trying hard not to snigger. Trying and failing miserably. "Oh...Oh, my God...little blue pills? Are you serious? Oh, God...Oh, God!"

"Ruby, what is so funny?"

She was gasping for air. "Little blue pills!"

"What about them?!"

Ruby caught her breath with a hand on her chest. "Belle...I don't know how to tell you this, but those aren't cold pills..."

"They're not? Then what are they?" Ruby snorted with laughter again and the beauty's blue eyes flared. "RUBY!"

"Okay, okay, okay." Red cleared her throat. "Those pills are for...men...when they have trouble in the bedroom..." Belle just blinked. "You know..." A few raises of the eyebrows and Belle still wasn't getting it. "Trouble...pleasing a woman...".

And then blue eyes widened. "No..._No..._"

"Yup."

"Oh, but...that doesn't...he's never had any trouble..."

"Ew, ew, ew - too much information!" Ruby waved her hands.

"Sorry. But he hasn't!"

"Maybe because he's takin' the pills..."

Belle looked down. "Oh, why wouldn't he just tell me that? I would understand..."

"Yeah, he is, like a lot older than you," Ruby snorted and Belle's head snapped up with another glare. "In...a good way?"

Belle sighed. "So, he's been faking a cold to hide that he needs these pills?"

Ruby paused. "Wait. Faking a cold?"

"Yeah, I told you, Ruby."

"What does he do?"

"He sneezes a lot. Like, a _lot_. And it's always at the strangest times."

Ruby shrugged. "Maybe he's fakin' it."

Belle shook her head. "No...he does it at the worst times. Trust me, he wouldn't fake it while he's eating."

Ruby thought about it and gasped a little. "Is...Izzy ever around when this happens?"

Belle looked up and suddenly the wheels turned into place. "Oh...Oh, my God...Yes...every time it's happened...she's been near. And he always seems so uneasy around her...he never wants to pet her..."

Ruby nodded. "Bingo."

"Rumple...is allergic to cats?" Belle sighed. "Oh, that..._man!_ He let me bring her into the house and didn't tell me because...because...I wanted her..." Any anger melted away, replaced with warm understanding.

Ruby smiled. "I guess Granny was wrong; he really did choose you over himself."

Belle gave a tremulous smile and nodded, unshed tears threatening to escape. "I have to get home right away and tell him I know. He can't live like this."

Ruby brought the food over. "Why not? He let her in there, right? Why not just keep her? Those blue pills are probably allergy tablets." She grinned. "Unless he has _two _secret problems..."

Belle grabbed the food briskly. "Thank you, Ruby." And she walked out shaking her head.

"Just sayin! It could be both!"

* * *

He felt warm; warm and comforted. He was contented and protected. It was so soft and welcoming... He felt...itchy. The world was closing in. He couldn't breathe. Something was suffocating him.

His eyes napped open to a world of black and it took a few seconds to register that he had a cat on his face. "What the hell?!" He threw her off across the room and exclaimed in disgust, trying to wipe all the fur off his pajamas. "You little bitch!"

She jumped on the end of the bed and just sat there, swishing her tail like she always did. He flipped the covers on her and stood up, grabbing his cane and hearing her yowl as she came out from under the blankets. "Serves you right!"

They stared at each other a bit, him gritting his teeth and her thumping that tail. "I won't stand for this," he growled out. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were doin' this on purpose..."

_Thump, thump, thump._

"You are, aren't you? You are! Well...I'll show you! I'll show you what happens when you mess with me, dearie. I_ will_ find out what's goin' on here. I wi - _huh-ah-izzzxchuu!_" He groaned as he made his way to the bathroom. "Right after my drugs kick in..."

After removing the first layer of flesh on his body in a nice long shower, he dressed to impress and stalked his own house to find the bane of his existence. When he couldn't find her, he sighed and quickly retrieved a spell bottle from the basement.

He filled her dish and sprinkled the potion on the food, setting it down and waiting in the shadows. He didn't have to wait long as she sped out of nowhere and attacked the bowl like she hadn't eaten in days. He scoffed in disgust as he watched her display of gluttony. "Glad you're so enthused," he commented dryly. "It'll make it easier for both of us."

_All of sudden, she poofed into a cloud of smoke disappearing to reveal a carnival game. Her body was a box, adorned with bright stripes of technicolor and lights streaming. On top of the box, her head sticking out of a hole. However, instead of a bunch of holes for her to pop out of, there was just one and she was stuck in it. This was always his favorite game._

_He stood before her as his old dark self and raised a giant mallet. "Time to play Whack A Cat! INTO OBLIVION!" **SMASH! **_

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Maybe I should cut back on the magic..." She looked up and licked her lips, a green glow emanating all over her body and then dissipating just as quickly. "Then again, maybe not. Allow me to explain, dearie. You now have the ability to fully understand me. And respond in kind." She coughed. "That's right. You can talk now."

Her eyes widened, something animals didn't do, but perhaps the potion gave her expression too.

It was an old simple spell and only worked on some animals. Ones with small brains couldn't talk, and by couldn't that meant they'd babble incoherently. He could've used this on Pongo that one time he was accused of killing the good cricket, but most likely Pongo wouldn't have been able to describe what he saw intelligently. Most dogs had a limited vocabulary.

But cats were smart; _wicked_ smart and he knew this one in particular knew what she was doing. It was a long shot but perhaps he would get some answers.

He stood before her and clasped his cane in front of him. "Now..._What_ is your problem? Why do you insist on making my life miserable?"

She swished that tail again as she sat up in a sitting position, comfortable as ever. "Simple. You're one of _them_."

He'd seen talking animals before but none with such accuracy of the human language. Also her voice was smooth, low and almost seductive he might say. Dripping with confidence and loathing. "Them? What is them?"

_Swish, thump._ "A male."

He gaped at her. "You're kidding. You're attacking me because I'm a man?"

She tilted her head. "Yes."

He rubbed his temple. "Why? I haven't done anything to you."

She laughed, another thing smart animals could do under this spell. "Then I guess hanging me by my neck or binding me and muting me was nothing."

"That was after you attacked me! I was standing right here in my doorway and you just ravaged me for no reason!" He stopped himself. He was arguing with a _cat. _He sighed and looked away in order to not scream from the idiocy of it all. "Fine. You hate men."

She snorted. "You're all the same. Vile and violent creatures. Not one of you can be trusted."

Her words sunk in and he looked back at her face, her green eyes narrowed at him. He realized quite awfully what she meant and what the problem was.

_She had been abused_.

He shook his head of any sympathetic thoughts and continued his mission. "I'll make you a deal, dearie."

She tilted her head. "A _deal?_"

He leaned on the cane. "Yes. A very simple one that will benefit both of us and Belle, whom you seem to like."

She shook her fur. "She is wonderful to me. She's a good person."

He nodded. "Yes, she is... At least we agree on something." He paused as she gazed at him. "The offer is simply this; you stay out of my way and I will yours. We both get along and leave each other alone for Belle's sake. Deal?"

The feline thought about it. "I can agree to that."

"We need something more concrete and since you can't sign your name..." and he bent over, holding out a hand.

She cautiously came over to him, constantly looking up at him with un-trusting eyes. She slowly and gently nosed his palm and backed away afterward. "Deal."

He grinned as he straightened up. "You should know that no one breaks deals with me, and if you do you will pay the price."

"A threat after our nice agreement?" she bit back.

"Just a fact, dearie. It's this way for anyone that makes deals with me."

"I feel sorry for them."

He smirked at that. "Most do. Now that that's settled - " and his phone rang. It was Belle and he smiled. "Sweetheart?"

'Rumple, I'm so sorry I'm not there yet, but the pipe broke again.'

"I understand. I need to go to the shop anyway."

'But our breakfast...'

"We can save it."

'Oh, okay...Um...Rumple...is there anything you want to tell me?'

He looked around. "Like what?"

'Like...something important?'

He pondered what she could mean. When he couldn't think of anything he just assumed he forgot an important date and would have to suck up later. "Oh, I know. I love you."

She chuckled. 'Oh...I love you too,' she sighed. 'I'll see you later, then.'

"I look forward to it as always." They said goodbye and he looked down at the animal that was threatening to hack up a hairball. "Do that outside. Now I have to go. I trust you not to tear up my house because if you do, that'll be a deal breaker." He left her sitting on the floor, still swishing that tail.

His victory tasted sweet as he practically glided to his car. He went to unlock it and stopped, looking around. Screw it, he should treat himself. He deserved it after what he'd been through.

And he was gone in a puff of purple smoke.

* * *

The shop was quiet and tranquil. No objects breaking, no mounds of demonic fur running about, no litter box smell, just peace and quiet. Things couldn't be better. Just as long as he and that animal got along, and he remembered to take his meds, Belle would never be the wiser and everything would be fine. He couldn't think of the last time he felt like that. He let out a long sigh and went to messing with an old cuckoo clock.

The bell rang to the door and he looked up, all his hopes and dreams shattering. "Of course. I celebrated too soon..." he grumbled and slammed the door to the clock shut.

"Gold," Regina spoke as she marched up to he counter.

"Regina. I don't believe I have ever been so unlucky. And why have you darkened my door yet again?"

She smiled; the same smile that spoke of dread. "Oh, I just wanted to show you something..." He raised an eyebrow as she took out a bottle. It looked just a like a store bought perfume bottle and he snickered. It was obviously filled with potion due to the hideous lime green color. "I made my perfume."

He chuckled. "Oh, really?" He rounded the counter, smirking at her. "Out of what? I highly doubt you got the Olfuriom."

She played with the bottle. "No, I didn't. I made my perfume with something much more..._potent_." And she grinned, her teeth gleaming.

He had no time to react as she sprayed it in his face.

It was in a cloud of magic, but fast moving just like perfume and he fell backwards much like when Ashley Boyd maced him, screaming as it stung his eyes.

He certainly didn't expect her to be so bold and now he would pay for it. _All magic comes with a price. _

It was instantaneous, just like when he sniffed the cloth except ten times worse and he could do nothing but writhe on the floor as his lungs inflated only to start the torture.

Regina watched with sick satisfaction as the great and powerful Dark One came apart before her very eyes. Who knew something so simple could have such desirable effects?

She laughed as he reached the fifth expulsion - or maybe it was six, she lost count - and began her stalk around his helpless body. "Oh, it works. I was worried it wouldn't. You might be wondering why it's so much worse. Simple; I upped the ante. I altered the DNA of the cat dander and made it stronger. It's as if twenty cats are shedding their dander right into your sinuses. Fun, isn't it?" He desperately gasped and sneezed again. "Well, it is for me."

"_Aeishuu!_ You...! _Inzzzxcuu!_ I don't..._hetchuu! Ah..hi-izxchiu!_ HAVE!" He continued and she laughed at him.

"You don't have it? Save it, Rumple. I know you have it. And all you have to do is give it to me and I'll give you the antidote." He responded with a questionable moan being followed by another tremendous sneeze.

"Oh, that's right, I forgot to tell you; It's a permanent spell. The effects won't be so horrible like they are right now but it will be bad. _Everything_ will make you sneeze. The smell of real perfume, the wind, pollen, _any_ animal, pepper anywhere near you. You'll be more infamous for your sneezing than our amnesiac dwarf."

"_HEEASHOU!_"

"All you have to do is give me what I want. Any fool would make an easy deal like this."

He gasped and began to hack uncontrollably. His body wanted to sneeze but he couldn't breathe to do so, resulting in a bunch of stifles along with the coughing fit. He couldn't breathe. Literally; his lungs were closing up, his throat was swelling and he could feel his face tingle and burn like it was on fire.

That fool! He was going into some sort of anaphylactic shock and there was nothing that could be done. He tried to put his hand on the floor to summon any type of magic but she kicked his hand away and turned him on his back.

At that point she noticed his red neck and face, swollen with white welts. She backed up in shock. "G-Gold?"

The door opened, revealing Belle standing there holding the whole cause of Gold's distress. She gasped and dropped the animal and ran to him. "Rumple! What have you done to him?!"

Regina said nothing as Belle fumbled over her love trying to help, but failing at what to do for him. "Rumple, what wrong?! What did she do to you?!" He couldn't answer and tears filled her eyes as his cheeks turned purple. "NO!"

Regina backed up to the door and stopped when she heard a hiss. The cat was there, arching its back and growling at her. She couldn't even blink as it screeched and attacked her.

Regina screamed as the cat's fangs bit into her arm. She threw it off and blasted a wave of magic at her, the animal tumbling over a counter and falling limp to the floor.

Belle had no time to react to that as she continued trying to help Rumplestiltskin. "That's it! I'm calling 911!"

"That won't work. Only the cure will," Regina stated to the sobbing girl.

"Then help him! PLEASE!"

Regina scoffed. "Why should I? He brings nothing but misery."

"That's not true!" Belle wailed. "He brings happiness to _my _life! He's all I have! If I lose him...I'll have nothing left..."

_A young girl sobs over the body of her love lying dead in a stable._

Regina shook her head, her eyes glistening. "No..."

"Please..." Belle wept. "What would Henry think? Do you want him to know that you killed his grandfather? And I _will_ tell him! You'll never get him to trust you then! So help him! JUST HELP HIM!"

Regina grit her teeth, trembling with indecision. "Fine!" She took out a different bottle and shook the contents over the aching body of Mr. Gold. He was covered in pink dust and immediately stopped convulsing. He gasped a deep breath as his face returned to normal, no evidence of the attack that had wracked his body moments ago.

He sat up for a few seconds, looking stunned and then snapped back to reality. "_YOU!_" he roared at the former queen, summoning something in his hand ready to throw at her and consume her, before Belle stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"Rumple, no! She isn't worth it!"

"Did you see what she just did to me?!" he screeched and she held him by the shoulders, the ball of magic fading from his palm.

"Yes, but if you kill her, you'll just play into her wickedness. The whole cycle starts again. She hurt you, yes...but I don't want her to hurt your _heart_..."

He sighed and went to stand up, Belle helping him and gathering his cane. He took it and stared at Regina, nothing but hatred in his gaze. "You ever do something like that to me again, and I _will_ kill you. I don't care. And I never had your _damn _flower! Now give me that potion and get the hell out of my shop!"

Regina sighed and handed over the perfume bottle to Belle. "And the cure," the brunette demanded, receiving it harshly from the mayor.

"I just wanted...to have something...work." She got no sympathy from either of them and sniffled like the child she truly was and stormed out.

Belle sighed in relief. "I'm glad you didn't kill her..." He shook his head. Belle held up the bottle with the green stuff in it and cringed. "What was in this stuff?"

"Something very dangerous. I'll have to dispose of it carefully."

Belle raised an eyebrow. "It wouldn't have anything to do with you being allergic to cats, would it?"

He blanched. "What?"

"I know, Rumplestiltskin." He looked sheepish and ran a hand through his hair, clearing his throat. "Ruby and I figured it out. I just can't believe you let me keep Izzy when you - Oh, my God! IZZY!"

She ran to the counter where the cat was thrown. "She's here?" Gold asked as he followed her.

"Yes, I brought her over to finally get the truth out of you and I dropped her and Regina attacked her and...Oh, God..." She stopped with a gasp, hands over her mouth and Rumple prepared himself as he turned the corner.

The feline was motionless on the floor. Belle sat down next to her lifeless body, tears streaming down her face. "Regina killed her..."

Gold knelt on his good knee, seeing the feline was still breathing. "No, she's alive." And without a word he wove his hand over her, a purple glow encasing the animal. Shortly after he was done, she opened her eyes and meowed. "There. All is well."

Belle looked up at him as more tears fell. "You didn't have to..."

"Yes, I did." Belle petted the the cat, who still looked a bit confused. Then it turned to the man she'd been torturing for the last few days and rubbed her face against his knee, purring for all her worth. "Oh, you like me now, huh?"

"Of course I do; you saved my life," was his answer.

He blinked and Belle gasped, her tears evaporating with shock as she let out a squeak. "Uhh, did she just talk?"

He looked away. "Oh, I forgot to deactivate that spell..." And then he felt heat pierce his stomach so he looked to Belle who was shooting fire out of her eyeballs. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

She nodded as she crossed her arms. "You cast a spell on Izzy? To make her talk? Why?"

He stood up, the cat in question still rubbing against his good leg. "It was just a way for us to agree to something. We weren't getting along so we made a deal that we would for your sake..."

Belle sighed and let her arms down. "Oh, Rumple...I had no idea. You...weren't getting along?"

"That would be my fault," Izzy cut in, jumping on the counter to face them. "But I was wrong...at least about you. You saved me even after I was awful to you. I guess you're not so bad...for a male."

He rolled his eyes and Belle giggled. "You should know that I hate animals on my counters," he warned.

She swished her tail. "And you should know that I don't care."

He pursed his lips. "Well, at least now we've reached an agreement and perhaps we'll have no more _misunderstandings_. Like for instance; you putting your crap under my expensive rugs," he finished with a glare.

Izzy shook her head. "Oh, that? I just did that to mess with you." And she sauntered off down the counter to explore.

He fumed silently as Belle came over to him. "You sure you wanna keep her under that spell? It's kinda strange having a talking animal."

His anger calmed at her voice as he turned to her with a smirk. "When is anything here not? Besides this is a _fairy tale_ town. We should have at least _one_ talking animal, don't you think?"

Belle came closer. "Why didn't you tell me you were allergic to cats?"

He sighed, fumbling with the handle on his cane. "Because you seemed to want it so badly. I couldn't bring myself to say no when I knew..." and he stopped as Belle touched his arm.

"I always felt that your heart would be the best I would ever know." His whole face softened at her words, eyes glowing with the warmth of an old campfire. "I'm so glad I wasn't wrong."

She leaned in and slowly pressed her lips to his, sucking in his bottom lip earning a moan as he swept his tongue over her top lip, she opening her mouth to welcome him in return. The two glided together in torturous bliss, her hands crawling up his neck to play with his hair and him pulling her closer by the waist, almost for dear life, the cane long forgotten on the floor.

Soon she parted from him and panted, a huge satisfactory smile plastered on her face as she rested her forehead to his.

"You, uh..." he began, catching his breath, "...a_lways_ felt that way? Even when I was throwing bloody aprons at you?"

She let out a breathy chuckle, tickling his lips. "Okay, maybe not always...but ever since you spared that Hood fellow." He robbed her lips of another kiss, planting butterfly trails down her jaw and neckline. They were lost in their little world until a sound interrupted them again.

"Eewww..." They both turned to see Izzy staring at them. "Why do humans do that? It's disgusting."

He sighed, blowing some of Belle's bangs. "Maybe I will deactivate that spell..."

"You should really try sniffing each other's butts."

~End

* * *

**A/N: Just some good 'ol fun. Loved it. Thanks so much for the comments!**

**-My mom had a cat that would actually put her turds under the rug. True story.**

**-Lots of animals butt sniff, not just dogs. Trust me, I've owned a few XD**

**Thanks again!**


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